Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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