fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
