brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize