woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize