i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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