When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
