I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
