All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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