Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
