He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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