I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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