I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize