You really coming over, don't trick.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
