I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
