Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
