And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
