you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
