Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
