my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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