My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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