I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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