is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
