I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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