There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
