Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
