marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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