I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
