If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
