Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I checked into jail on foursquare
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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