I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
