Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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