Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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