My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
