i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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