Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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