I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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