New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize