How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So many bounce houses so little time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
