i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
