Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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