So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
