Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
