I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
false alarm. still invincible.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
