There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
