I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
is that a dick in a sweater?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
