I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
