You're so nebulous sometimes
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
