she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
