they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
