I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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