im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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