Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
