you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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