I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
sex in a hospital.. check
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
