turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
