Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just googled if crying burns calories
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
