I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
