I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
