dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
