and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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