Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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