i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
