I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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