If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
