If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
