bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
