The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sext me about skeletons
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
