just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
