New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
