Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
