Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
