New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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