Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
