Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I love you.
Bad choice
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