I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My vagina is very pro this idea
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
