think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
