My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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